Quitting Romance
by ako to
Summary: After nine consecutive breakups  and the loss of his TV  Naruto Uzumaki decided to take a break from love. No more romance for him. -full summary inside- Sasunaru


**TITLE: Quitting romance**

**RATING: T (Romance, shonen-ai)**

**PAIRING: Sasunaru, onesided Nejinaru and Gaanaru in later chapters**

**COMPLETE SUMMARY: After nine consecutive breakups (and the loss of his TV) Naruto Uzumaki decided to take a break from love. No more romance for him. Tsunade said all he needed was time. Sakura said he was looking at the wrong place. Naruto corrects them and says all he needs is a bonus. Sasuke? He introduces himself and kisses him. Turns out he has his own motives.**

**Kiba's opinion on the sudden happenings in Naruto's life goes like this: "You don't need time, you're not looking at the wrong place. You don't even need a bonus, man. You're just looking in the wrong gender. And here I am watching all these drama without popcorn. Life sucks."**

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* * *

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**-Not if Sasuke can help it.**

"Hey, Naruto! I heard you and your girl went out on a romantic candlelit dinner last Saturday. So how was it, huh? Huh?" Kiba Inuzuka poked the side of his co-employee, Naruto Uzumaki, wagging his eyebrow in a very suggestive manner, while his target appeared to not notice him. In fact, the blue-eyed, blonde haired 26 year old company worker seemed to not notice everybody's existence. He was just staring at his computer screen, pressing a key every five seconds.

"Uh, hey Naruto. I'm asking you about your dinner with Hikaru-chan." Kiba said, a little troubled with his friend's lack of response. Normally, the blonde would've started rambling about romantic clichés he and his three month girlfriend shared over the weekend. But Naruto was just looking straight through his computer as if it weren't really there, with those dead, blue eyes…

Oh…Oh shit.

Kiba winced and hoped desperately that his suspicion was wrong.

At the mention of his girlfriend's name, Naruto seemed to come out of whatever trance he was in. With a finger hovering above the F key, he turned his head robotically to look at Kiba. The latter felt his stomach sink when he saw the familiar look.

"Hikaru-chan… Who's Hikaru-chan?" Naruto said in a voice as emotionless as his normally twinkling sapphire eyes

Kiba would have given Naruto a manly hug, but then Naruto would start crying and that would be very unmanly.

How many times had this happened to his friend, his kind friend? Everytime he gets a girl, their lovestory always ends tragically, on Naruto's part, anyway.

Kiba didn't understand why Naruto's love life, for lack of a better word, sucks. He was the ideal guy, not bad-looking, always looks after you, doesn't make you feel like you should prove something. He was the perfect prince charming for every damsel in distress.

Or maybe...maybe that's it.

In these modern days, a damsel in distress no longer existed so Naruto was no longer needed.

And sometimes, someone who seems to be the princess turns out to be the evil witch taking advantage of Prince charming's kindness.

That was the case with Naruto.

He was too kind.

He was the perfect prey for those good for nothing, leeching girls.

And now look at him.

"Naruto, I'm...I'm sorry," Kiba said, trying to find the right words to not sound stupid. "Maybe...maybe she's not the right girl for you." Just like the eight others before her.

"Huh...What?" Naruto asked, blinking a few times.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get over her soon. You're cool like that, man!" Kiba pumped his fist in the air in an attempt to cheer Naruto up.

Naruto blinked some more.

"Uh, I already got over her, Kiba." Naruto said matter-of-factly. "I just wish she didn't take my TV with her."

* * *

Words about Naruto's break up with Hikaru-chan spread like wild fire that morning. By lunch, almost everyone was staring at the mourning form of Naruto, casting the poor, poor blonde sympathetic looks.

Naruto was too busy reliving the days spent with his beloved appliance to notice.

Tsunade, being Naruto's boss and aunt, took pity on the kid. By 1:30, Naruto was in her office, sending waves of depression to her face.

"Naruto," she began carefully. "I think you need some time to rest. Relax, unwind, take a breather. I know it's hard for you but I know you'll move on. All you need is time." she ended with a kind smile.

"No." Naruto answered. Tsunade's smile slid down her face like melted ice cream. "I don't need time. You know what I need? I need a bonus."

For a moment Tsunade stared at her nephew, thinking that he's gone mad.

"What?"

"I said I need a bonus. Give me my bonus for the next three years." Naruto said flatly.

Again, Tsunade stared.

"Uh...you don't have a new girlfriend...right?"

"Goodness, no! I'm quitting." Naruto declared, crossing his arms and laying his head back on the couch.

For a moment, Tsunade thought Naruto meant his job. "Quitting." She said and asked at the same time.

"Yeah. I'm tired of it. The first time was fine. And the second time. I thought third time's the charm but then that saying was all bullshit so I thought maybe it's the fourth, or maybe the fifth, or sixth, or seventh, or eight, or ninth! Fuck! I'm fucking tired of it all!" Naruto realized he was standing by the end of his tirade. He composed himself and heaved a tired sigh. "That's why I'm quitting. No more romance for me."

Tsunade was glad Naruto was talking about his crappy love life and not his job. She was also contemplating why it took Naruto nine heart breaks to realize the fat baby with lethal red arrows hates him.

"If that's what you like, Naruto. And I'll give you a week off for that rest I mentioned earlier. You're working really hard anyway so you deserve it. I'm sure Kiba can cover for you."

Naruto's face brightened. Tsunade is really his best Aunt, mostly because she's the only aunt he got.

Tsunade Namikaze-Sannin was his father's only sister. Naruto knew nothing about his mother's family since they were against his parent's marriage and severed their connection with her instantly. Even when his mom and dad died years ago, her family didn't show up during her funeral.

"You can take the rest of the day off if you like." Tsunade added.

"Yeah, I'd love that." Naruto stood up and walked out her office, thinking of the things he'll do on his week off. Wake up at 12, eat brunch, sit all day in the living room, watching T.V.-

He turned and walked back to her office.

"What about that bonus?" he asked hopefully.

Tsunade smirked. "I'll think about it." But Naruto knew, by the look on his money-loving gambler and drunkard of an Aunt, that he didn't have a chance. Not in a million years.

* * *

Sakura Haruno, 26 year old nurse and Kiba's friend since middle school, walked purposefully to apartment number 305 where she was certain lives a presently suffering blonde friend of hers. She was also certain that when she opens that door she would find him in the living room, watching late night soaps while eating popcorn. So when she arrived at her destination only to find it quiet, too quiet, she felt uncertainty creep up her toes to the tips of her pink hair.

"Naruto!" she bellowed, kicking open the door. The door, while being an inanimate object, didn't appreciate being violated, so it hit the wall and took its revenge by slamming itself on Sakura's forehead

"'Ow!"

"Sakura."

And there he was. Blonde, tan, a foot taller than her, with the usual bucket of popcorn in hand.

"Oh. Sorry about that. I thought..." she trailed off, feeling embarrassed.

"Sakura." Naruto said again. "Why did you kick my door?" Expect Naruto to be the tactless one.

"Well, that's..." Sakura's cheeks mimicked the color of a ripe tomato. "It doesn't matter. What matters right now is...oh...oh Naruto!" she exclaimed dramatically, giving Naruto a bone-crushing hug. The blonde dropped his popcorn out of shock and automatically placed his hand on Sakura's back in a comforting manner.

"Did...did the bastard hurt you again?" he asked uncertainly.

Sakura let her go and smacked him upside the head.

"No, idiot! It's you!"

"Me." Naruto repeated, pointing at his own nose.

"Yes_, you_! Come here!" Sakura grabbed Naruto's arm and welcomed herself inside the blonde's apartment. To her surprise, it was neither in a state of disarray nor was there any sign of unleashing one's anger and frustration.

It was normal.

Except for the missing T.V. everything was how it was supposed to be. So unlike when she first met him.

It had been on his fourth break up. Kiba had been so worried when he found Naruto lying unconscious on the floor next to the upturned sofa and called her immediately. Kiba had been trying to wake Naruto up for more that an hour. When she arrived though, Naruto opened his eyes, sat up from his position on Kiba's lap, asked them if they prefer tea or coffee and went to the kitchen to make some food. Turned out he was just pretending to be unconscious in the hopes of Kiba leaving him alone. A man needs his space, was what he'd said, and lying on Kiba's crotch was definitely not what he needed then.

She'd admit she thought Naruto was attractive. Any girl would want to be his boyfriend. Well except her since she already had her eyes on a man and that man alone.

Sasuke Uchiha.

But that was not the point. The point is that Naruto was perfect. At first sight. She'd hang around with him sometimes afterwards. Then she found his faults. They were not that big but they were still there.

He was too kind, giving everything and leaving nothing for himself.

He was the type of guy who lets you do what you want to do. Maybe he doesn't want you to feel like he's choking you. That's good and all but still, in a relationship there should be boundaries, lines that shouldn't be crossed. When you're with Naruto, you don't feel anything, relationship-wise. You could slap him in public and he'd still smile at you, no problem. It was his way of showing he loves you so, so much.

And he always sees the good in every person, even if that person is stabbing a knife in his eyes.

No wonder he always ends up like this.

"Sit." Sakura ordered as if this were her own apartment. Naruto obeyed obediently.

"Talk."

Naruto didn't.

"I said talk, about what happened, why it happened, when it happened. Let it all out."

"Sakura, I don't thi-."

"I said talk about the fucking breakup!" Sakura shrieked, grabbing Naruto's collar and shaking him violently.

"Okay! Okay!" that stopped Sakura's assault. Naruto sat straight on the sofa looking like the person about to tell the grim secret behind canned sardines.

"It was last Saturday. We went out for dinner. We ate. I thought she enjoyed it. We went back here. And then all of a sudden she slapped me."

Sakura gasped, covering her mouth in horror. "She didn't."

"She did. Then she started rambling about not liking salmon and getting fat and blaming me for the death of her goldfish and before I knew it, she was breaking up with me." Naruto finished, staring at the place where his 58" Panasonic Plasma TV was once placed.

"Naruto, I'm sure it's not your fault. Don't ever think it's your fault."

"Course it's not." Naruto said defensively. "After she said we were done, I asked her to stay the night because it's late and I slept on the couch. I woke up around two and went to the bathroom. When I passed my room, she was talking on the phone. She said the guy's name every end of her sentence." He paused. "Ken. It was the waiter at the restaurant. From what I heard, they were being lovey dovey already. I went back to my here to sleep and when I woke up, my honey was gone." Sakura noticed how Naruto's nose scrunched up, a sign that he was trying to suppress his tears. So he loved her, even though it was clear she's a bitch, he still loved her.

She hugged him.

"Naruto, I'm sure there is a girl out there for you. You don't deserve someone like Hojo-chan-."

"Hikaru-chan." Naruto corrected automatically.

"Yes, _her_. You'll find someone who's better than her. All you need to do is to expand your horizon, meet with other people. I'm sure she's out there somewhere. You're just looking at the wrong place."

"No. Like I said to Tsunade, all I need is a bonus."

"What?"

"Bonus! I've shed blood and tears to get my hands on my honey. Months of starving to save cash. And all of a sudden she was gone. Snap!" Naruto snapped his fingers for emphasis. "Just like that."

Sakura had her brows furrowed. "I don't get it."

"When I'm lonely, my honey was always there." He held his arms in the general direction of his TV's previous location. "_Always there_. And now, my honey's gone." He said miserably and then he pulled a DVD out of nowhere. "How am I going to watch this without her?"

Sakura read the movie title aloud. "Ghost of girlfriends past."

"You know, for the irony." He put the DVD down on the coffee table.

"Okay but I still don't get it. You can't watch a movie without your girlfriend?"

"What do you mean? Of course I can."

"But you just said it. You can't watch that-." She held her hand in the DVD's direction, "-without your honey."

"Of course I can't. Where am I going to plug the DVD player?"

"…" the images that statement produced were all unpleasant.

"I mean, if she was leaving then the least she could have done was leave my TV alone. I don't even know how she got my beloved Panasonic out! I was four feet away from her! How'd she do that?" the question was directed to Sakura as if she actually knew the answer.

Sakura on the other hand made an 'oh' sound. So he was talking about his TV, she just misunderstood. The images wouldn't leave, though.

"She took your TV with her?"

"Yeah." Naruto's shoulder sagged, as if the weight of the world were placed upon it. "What am I going to do during my week off?"

A week off? That's…that's perfect!

"You can come with me!" Sakura exclaimed. "It's perfect. You have a week off, you're looking for a girlfriend and I know a few girls that would be perfect candidates. You'll meet them if you go with me." Sakura was already flashing her victory smile.

"Oh no. No, no, no, no. I am not looking for a girlfriend. I've had enough, thank you. I've decided I'm quitting in the romance department since my love life, for lack of a better word, sucks. Kiba's words, not mine."

"Oh," Sakura couldn't really blame him for his decision. "But you still need something to do for the week, right?" she asked innocently.

"Uh, I guess," Naruto could sense something here, he really could.

"Then it's all set! You're coming with me to our week long reunion and welcome party!"

"You're what?"

"Well you see, my high school friends and I arranged a party this week. They're all going to Konoha for a reunion and also to sort of welcome some of our friends who're going to live here. We're going to party the first day and then we'll be helping S-Sas-Sasuke and the others move their stuffs, you know. And then on the last day we're going to officially welcome Sa-Ssasuke and the others." By the end of her explanation, Sakura was as bright as her hair.

Must she always stutter saying the bastard's name?

Naruto have heard a lot of things, both positive and negative, about this Sasuke person from Sakura and Kiba. And from that he could imagine him to be the bastard of the century. Constantly breaking Sakura's heart and acting like the prince of the world during high school and growing up to be the vice-president of a famous company at 24, to Naruto, Sasuke Uchiha is a total bastard, no questions asked.

And he, Naruto, was going to meet him?

Oh no, not gonna happen, not in this lifetime. And the lifetime after this if he can help it.

His answer must have been written on his face in **bold**, CAPITAL letters because Sakura started using her trump card.

"Naruto, I would really want you to come." She began, staring at Naruto with the sincerest eye she could make. "As your friend, I really want to help you move on and this is the perfect opportunity for you to do so. And I'm serious about you expanding you're horizon. Your life revolves around going to work and going home. You really need this, Naruto, I know you do, because I'm your friend. Will you go with me, please? As a friend?"

Naruto stopped himself from saying that he doesn't need to move on or get over someone and the like. He was almost swayed, not because of her speech or her constant use her being his 'friend'. He would be feeling guilty if he hurt Sakura's feeling. Someday, his kindness would be the death of him, he knew it.

"And Kiba's coming, too." Sakura finished.

Well. If Kiba;s going then…

"Fine," he muttered, suddenly feeling tired.

"Sakura bounced on her sit in her excitement. "Naruto, you're the best. I'll make sure you don't regret it.

* * *

"So," Naruto said, keeping at least five feet of distance between him and Sakura. He knew one wrong move could trigger her wrath against him. "You're regretting bringing me here?"

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes, YES! I'm regretting it! Why did I even asked you to go?" she wailed, her hands covering her face and seriously messing her make up.

Naruto sighed. "You're asking me." In his opinion, she was taking the news pretty well. Most girls would have started foaming in the mouth and then drop dead on the ground.

Naruto was also regretting his decision. He shouldn't have gone to this party that has nothing to do with him. He should have been at home, mourning the loss of the love of his life. _Oh Panasonic, I hope you're okay, where ever you are._

But look at where his kindness brought him. Here at the bastard's mansion, standing at the door of one of his bathrooms, with a very hysterical Sakura in front of him. He rubbed his lips with the back of his hand for what felt like the hundredth time.

_Doesn't matter_, he thought, _as long as I can remove all the bastard germs._

Just like Sakura, he was also shocked from all the things that had happened in quick succession.

He remember the car ride with Sakura, he remember gawking at the hugeness of the mansion, he remember being introduced to Sakura's high school classmates, Hinata, Shino, Lee, Ino. He remembered hearing that Neji would be late; Gaara would be coming the day after tomorrow. He remembered Kiba grinning at him when he entered, the chat between him and Sakura.

But all that felt like ages ago. Because then he came.

"I don't think I know you." Were the first words Naruto heard from him. It was obvious from the look on Sakura's face who had come to bother him.

Naruto had turned away from Kiba to 'greet' _him_, the owner of this palace, the Bastard.

Sasuke Uchiha.

"No you don't. I'm Kiba and Sakura's friend. Naruto Uzumaki." He didn't hold out his hand, just to let the bastard know he didn't want to be _his_ friend.

He was every bit what Naruto imagined him to be, when it came to his personality. The arrogance could poke someone's eye out. His appearance though, came as a shock to him.

He was…not bad looking.

Sasuke Uchiha." He remembered the bastard introducing himself.

He also remembered the bastard infiltrating his personal bubble, bending slightly forward because as much as Naruto hated admitting it, the bastard was taller that him by at least five inches.

He also remembered the kiss.

Yes. The _Kiss._

It was forever stuck in his brain, one that would stand out like a sore thumb when-if- he walk down memory lane. Which he wouldn't, he swore to himself.

And then he remembered the bastard looking at him with that smirk that could annoy the emotionless. Naruto was too stunned to punch it out of his face.

Nice to meet you, Dobe."

"I hate you, Naruto! I really, really dooooo!" Sakura wailed, stopping Naruto's stroll down memory lane.

"And I hate the bastard ten times more. Wait, make that one gazillion times more. I swear, Sakura, I didn't like what he did more than you do. I mean, who does that to another guy?" he asked, not expecting Sakura to answer.

"Gay guys."

"You mean that Sasuke-bastard is gay?" Naruto asked, looking at Sakura when it was a guy's voice that answered him.

"Yes I am. Got any problems?"

Naruto jumped when he felt a hand on the back of his neck and turned to glare at Sasuke Uchiha. "Stop that! Don't touch me!"

"Tch. Stop being a girl about it. It was just a kiss." Sasuke said, marching inside the bathroom and standing next to Naruto. The raven cast a glance at Sakura who was staring dumbfounded at him.

"You're gay," she mouthed.

"Just a kiss! But I'm a guy!" Naruto hollered, nearing panic-attack.

"And I'm gay," Sasuke answered evenly.

"I'm straight!" Naruto started stepping backwards until his back hit the wall.

"As a boomerang, I know." Sasuke smirked. "Gay guys have gaydars, you know." He turned to Sakura. "Are you done? You're interrupting our alone time." Sasuke walked closer to Naruto, giving him the 'you-can-run-but-you-can't-hide' look.

Naruto stretched his arms forward as much as he could, trying to ward Sasuke off, like a fly.

"NO! Don't go near me! DON'T! I know self-defense I'm warning you! NOOOOO-!" he paused and blinked when he felt Sasuke's hard chest in his hands and quickly placed his hands protectively to his chest. Sasuke took the opportunity to pin the blonde on the wall.

"Why are you so adamant, Dobe?" Sasuke asked seductively.

"Don't call me that! And of course I'd be adamant. I'm a GUY!" Naruto all but screamed. He was starting to act like a kid having a temper tantrum and it was all the bastard's fault!

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

Naruto knew he was losing the battle when Sasuke's face started to move closer. He searched the room for something, anything that would save him from this…this humiliation or whatever.

His eyes found Sakura.

Sakura…

Sakura!

"Sakura!" Naruto cried out triumphantly, raising his hand to point at the girl. Sasuke's face stopped an inch away from his.

"Sakura." He repeated.

"Me." Sakura said slowly.

"Yes, Sakura. I can't…can't be…w-with you because Sakura loves you!"

All eyes turned to the girl.

"You love me?" Sasuke asked. Naruto couldn't read the expression on the bastard's face because there was none, but he didn't care because he was Saaaaaved!

Sakura seemed to find the strength to stand tall and proud, looking at Sasuke's dark eyes. "I love you." Her voice was clear when she said those words.

Sasuke suddenly released Naruto and walked to where she was, saying 'I love you, too' again and again. He hugged her and they kissed and they lived happily ever after.

That was what Naruto imagined to happen next until he felt Sasuke's lips on his…again! He tried to turn his head to the side but Sasuke's hands were on his cheeks, caressing it softly, slowly.

Naruto blushed.

He thought the kiss was going to be like the one earlier, just a quick peck and there we go, all done. But when he felt something wet tracing his lips, he seriously considered opening his mouth. To bite the tongue off. His lips remained tightly sealed, though. Sauke must have been annoyed by this because he stepped on Naruto's right foot hard, making the blonde open his mouth in a pained gasp…

He was vaguely aware of the blood rushing to his cheeks and the slow closing of his eyes when Sasuke's tongue urged his into action. It felt…nice, feeling that warm flesh caressing his, mapping the inside of his mouth.

It ended too quickly for his liking.

He was panting, there was saliva dribbling down his chin, his hands were fisting Sasuke's dark blue shirt. He slowly let Sasuke go, feeling light-headed all of a sudden.

Sasuke smirked down at him. He pointed to their side and said. "Problem solved."

There on the floor, with blood running down her nose, was the unconscious form of Sakura Haruno, Naruto's one and only ticket out of this mess.

So much for quitting romance.

=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=

**Another addition to the thousands of Sasunaru fanfics in existence. I hope I did okay. To those people who read and would like to read the next chapters I just want you to know that this will be one of the more common stories in the Sasunaru genre. Sakura the fangirl, Kiba the best friend, the love triangle (or polygon) and of course, the character death. Not. **

**To all the people who took time to read my first Naruto fanfic, Thank you so much.  
**


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